’ The priest thought long and hard and then said, ‘Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.’ The young woman asked, ‘Will this cleanse me of my sins?’ The priest said, ‘No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.’Catholic Dog Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, ‘Father, my dog is dead ... Could ya’ be saying’ a mass for the poor creature?’Father Patrick replied, ‘I’m afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church ... But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there’s no tellin’ what they believe. Maybe they’ll do something for the creature.’Muldoon said, ‘I’ll go right away Father. Do ya’ think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?’Father Patrick exclaimed, ‘Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn’t ya tell me the dog was Catholic?Donation Father O’Malley answers the phone. ‘Hello, is this Father O’Malley?’ ‘It is!’. I guess this rise had its price, though. I pull into the driveway at five thirty every night, while she usually gets chauffeured home by midnight. Instead of going out for fancy dinners alone, we tend to get takeout when we have a rare night to ourselves. The men in her life that she dresses up for are Senators and Presidents, not me, her husband. I turned to the bartender and said, "Make mine a double." As I was waiting at the bar, a petite blonde in a silver sheath walked over and ordered a Sapphire and tonic. She was wearing silver satin sandals with blocky heels, and her bare toes were painted the same crimson as her fingernails. Around her neck, she wore a platinum and diamond choker. Before I even had a chance to introduce myself, she asked me if I was with the woman in the tuxedo outfit."Yes, she's my wife," I replied. She stared into my eyes and said, "You must introduce us," in a metallic voice that seemed to roll around in my head. "My name is Lauren," she said in a voice.
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